Intervention aims at changing someone’s Behavior in Excess. Influence is the Power to change anything. When it comes to choosing between the Coping and Influencing you think, you are better at coping. Not true. You can learn & apply the methods of the Master Influencers. If you believe in no more letting go, you need to identify yourself as an influencer. And why not?
In a turbulent family, your biggest hurdle may be your inability to work in concert. To overcome this hurdle, keep working on recovery from Codependency. Seek help from the other meaningful and reasonable people to conduct Intervention. Never turn your back to the social capital. Utilize its power. For that you need to heal the Shame that binds you.
You need to get rid of a few Vicious Behaviors like Enabling and Provoking. Influence comes from focusing on just a few Vital Behaviors instead of diluting your energies and resources on trivia. Once you have identified the vital behaviors, you are ready to influence your loved one during the Intervention and Recovery. A few vital behaviors can drive a lot of change and topple the problem, no matter how big in size.
Improvement in performance comes through Deliberate Practice. Figure out the right actions and practice to master them. Stretch yourself and demand more from you. Keep your cool. Don’t let your emotional Go system take over your intellectual Know system. To influence people at a profound level you need to Discuss the Un-discussable.
Identify the hidden elements that are driving your loved one’s behavior, take steps to Make the Invisible Visible. Your loved one will attempt to change his behavior only if (1) he believes it will be worth it, and (2) he can succeed. Do your best to Design Rewards and Demand Accountability. Reward vital behaviors in your loved ones and not merely outcomes. Remember, when it comes to rewards, less is often more.
Sometimes, power of a respected person works wonders. At other times an adorable group will make miracles. Verbal Persuasion plays an important role but our behavior is powerfully shaped by observing others quietly. When such an observation is beyond reach, you can make use of a well told story or benefit from a Vicarious Experience.
There is a growing body of knowledge that teaches exactly how to change almost any human behavior. With a little smart work you can learn about Six Sources of Influence and become a master influencer.