Healthy Shame is a temporary state that tells us something wrong in our relationships with the world. It tells us that the connection between us and other people is broken and needs fixing. So, healthy shame motivates personal change. Certain shame feelings can be good in the same way that anger, sadness, and fear -painful emotions- tell us something is very wrong in our life and motivates us to something to change.

Example One
He could bear the shame no longer. Everyday his wife told him that he was a failure in his career and a lousy father as well. He had begun to dread even coming home. He felt more and more like a failure. Finally, he realized that he had to listen his shame. He needed to confront the problems in his marriage, or he would never get rid of that terrible sick feelings in his gut.

We all face shame in one form or another. Shame is neither always good nor always bad. The important thing is what we do with our shame. When shame is recognized, accepted and used to investigate our relationships with ourselves, and with others it is a beneficial feeling.

Healthy shame promotes (1)-self-awareness and (2)-an appreciation of relationships.

Healthy shame is a good teacher. Healthy Shame is like having a true friend, one who is not afraid to tell you that you are messing up your life. Healthy shame demonstrates love and respect for you by sticking with you during troubled times. Its shows courage by confronting problems before they become unsolvable. Messages by healthy shame could be constructively used when we develop the ability to listen to the important messages we receive along with the shame.

Guidelines for living are given by healthy shame. Healthy shame also promotes humanity, humility, autonomy, and competence. Healthy shame tells us that something is wrong now and invites us to examine our life and perhaps change our thoughts or actions. The person who can listen to, and act on his shame instead of running away from it will eventually feel better about himself. The payoff is that the person who makes friends with his shame will gradually gain more self-respect