Co-dependency is an Emotional disorder in which you learn helplessness and hopelessness. When a loved one’s life has a plague of frogs in Alcoholism, the Co-dependent ultimately suffers from Shadow-alcoholism. It is a catch 22 situation. You are doomed when you take a step; you are doomed when you don’t. Co-dependency is the biggest hurdle when you are going to conduct a structured Intervention. However, we can recover from co-dependency by taking care of our physical, psychological, social and spiritual health.
Co-dependency is a set of behaviors which have often been learned and reinforced while living under the same roof with a loved one suffering from addiction, alcoholism, compulsive gambling and other destructive behaviors. Codependency develops and thrives on Enabling and Provoking behaviors. In enabling, they allow the addiction to continue by saving a loved one from the consequences of his destructive behavior. Provoking allows the addiction to flourish by providing a ” justification” to the addict. Enabling and provoking behaviors create a vicious cycle when they alternate with each other. Co-dependents provide short term solutions to the problems which are basically long term.
The common characteristics all these people share are: Fears, Phobias , Superstitions, Ill founded beliefs, Shame, and repression of feelings. They tend to live in Denial and use other Defense mechanisms. They live constantly in a state of fear. They don’t know what their loved one is going to do next. Codependents, themselves, are quite predictable. An addict always knows precisely as to what a co-dependent is going to do next.
Co-dependents need to learn Detachment. Its detaching from a loved one’s problem only emotionally. It is not a synonym for inaction. It is a spiritual quality that makes action possible after going through a Grief recovery process.